you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
