Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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