Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
