listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
