so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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