Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
