HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
