I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
