you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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