You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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