Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
