My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
