only if we run a train.
done.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
