Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
