Whod you bang
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
