spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
