He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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