This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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