May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
