you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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