Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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