It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
