for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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