I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
