I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
