I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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