I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
