i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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