These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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