Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
