is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
