Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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