Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
