Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
