I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no, he came in my armpit
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
