I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
