Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
