I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
