I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
