Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
