i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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