I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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