he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sext me about skeletons
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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