one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
