Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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