he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
