So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
