Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
