so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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