and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
