I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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